Why do some people have failed relationships while some others enjoy a great track record of having a fulfilled and happy relationship?
While all relationships certainly ebb and flow including mine, every relationship need to have certain factors in place for it to be in balance.
Enough personal space, mutual respect, love, understanding, and clear communication can help keep your relationships on track, without posing any fear of making it dull and repetitive.
Combining your individual energies, you can design the type of relationship you want.
Having balanced relationships with your own self and your environment is the key to building successful relationships with others.
If you’re being challenged about balance in a particular side of your relationship, try not to get defensive; rather, listen to what your spouse is saying.
If you both work on handling this area with wisdom and cooperation, you are already an important step ahead of the game.
Remember, it might be wise at times to say yes or no to activities based on your partner’s needs for balance.
In relationships, it is important that your focus shifts from looking solely at yourself to focus on the needs and preferences of your significant other.
However, your spouse/partner should also be willing to sacrifice for the sake of having balance in the relationship.
In other words, both need to sacrifice or at least be considerate of each other’s need and preferences.
This shows the love between you and him/her, and the desire to honor them through sensible sacrifices and actions.
1. Assess Your Relationships
Before investing your time and money in a relationship, it is worth finding out if it is right to pursue the relationship, which may be unbalanced as you have simply grown apart.
Find out who’s benefiting from the relationship? Is it a healthy relationship?
Are both of you helping each other grow?
If you are serious about taking the relationship further and are making efforts in that regard, it is important that the other person also contributes to the relationship.
Talk to them about your feelings.
It may be a little awkward, but you need to be totally open with your communication.
Talk your heart out, explaining how you feel about the relationship.
Hiding your feelings won’t do you good, nor would it benefit the relationship.
Rather, it will only allow the resentment to grow and make the relationship deteriorate.
For example, whenever I find that my husband is working too long hours and ignore me, I will gently let him know (in a playful manner) that I have been neglected in recent times.
Don’t get mad, but instead say it in a way that sounds funny or gentle, yet he knows that he has been overworking himself to the point of ignoring you.
Never let anger be the sole point of view in the relationship.
There are many ways to communicate your desire and needs to the spouse/partner.
2. Don’t Try To Be the Sole Cheerleader
Taking responsibility of doing too many unasked for favors may prove dangerous in the long run.
In doing so, the other person may feel uncomfortable by your unwanted favor.
Gradually, you may realize that they aren’t too happy with your acts of kindness and might find them manipulative.
As a result, with the other person not appreciating your efforts, you may start feeling resentful.
So turn your focus to something more productive.
Resist being the sole cheerleader of your relationship and try not to convince the other person to be on the receiving end of the relationship.
Try to listen to what your partner is saying and respond appropriately.
If you think you can address the problems, go ahead with that.
In the worst case scenario, it is best to understand that not everybody you like is right for you.
Remember, in a relationship you can not be the sole giving or the sole receiving partner, there should be equal sharing, giving and receiving of favors and treatments.
Balance is key.
3. Don’t Repress Your Feelings
Do you think you are flexible and easy going yet feel increasingly resentful, angry, and irritable most of the time?
Well, this is often the result of ignoring or repressing your feelings that you consider might be unacceptable to others if you bring them out.
This might work in the short run, but is not practical in the long term, as feelings might keep popping up in your mind, without relapsing.
Repressing your feelings prevents others from understanding you.
Thus it is important to acknowledge your feelings and affirm yourself.
This will help others make better decisions about relating with you.
So you give yourself an opportunity to build and balance relationships.
Improve your communication with your partner and do not repress any pent up emotions.
Remember that emotions act like signals: they tell you what is going on internally so listen and communicate your needs and wants to your partner.
4. Show Understanding of Your Mate’s Needs
Do not expect your life partner to fulfill all your needs.
A balanced relationship requires better understanding of your partner’s needs while giving due respect to your own needs.
If both parties assume themselves to be correct and continue to push their own view onto the other person, it might lead to arguments.
Understand that no one is perfect and focus on the good points in your partner, rather than amplifying the less desirable points.
Relationships that weather temporary storms can come out stronger, more beautiful and wiser.
The secret lies in ensuring that the positives outweigh the negatives in the relationship by a 6:1 ratio.
Try to counterbalance complaints against your partner with a lot of praise, respect for everything and anything for which you think the credit goes to your partner.
Whenever possible, try to avoid complaining; rather, turn it into a solution or rather figure out why it happens in the first place.
5. Don’t Be Overly Forgiving
You may be somebody with the softest of hearts, but constantly tolerating someone who unfairly criticizes or ignores you isn’t the right decision.
You might often be tempted to tolerate somebody’s mistreatment, thinking that their adversity has forced this onto them; however, it is important that you set a boundary and don’t continue giving them a leeway to spit their unnecessary anger out on you.
Don’t worry; this won’t have a negative impact on your relationship with them.
Rather, they will start to respect you more once you show respect for yourself.
This is, in fact, the essence of a balanced relationship.
6. Handling Arguments
If you often indulge in a practice of trying to avoid conflicts in a discussion with your partner, it can eventually lead to dissatisfaction in the relationship.
Doing so would only give birth to pent-up feelings in your mind.
However, this doesn’t mean you should vent anger against each other in a conflict.
Rather, it is important you make efforts to manage hurt and anger, so that it is not withheld or vented.
Discussions can be healthy for a relationship, but indulging in arguments to change another person’s views or avoiding conflict altogether isn’t the best way to approach a relationship.
Focus on areas during the argument on which you agree and try to find an amiable solution.
Be flexible and accept your difference of opinion while promising the other person to think over their ideas.
After all, they may also be right!
Thomas Jefferson has rightly said, “In matters of principle, stand like a rock; in matters of taste, swim with the current.”
Every relationship is built on mutual respect. And this is truly the essence of balanced relationships. Don’t expect it to be perfect as it never can be. Rather focus on being honest, gentle with a sense of humor, clear and being considerate of each other needs and preferences.